Modest Mouse - Ocean Breathes Salty (Live)

Back when The Crush crushed me, and my back debilitated my fire dancing, 'The Ocean Breathes Salty' was my 'thoughts of despair' soundtrack song.

Key lyric: "You wasted life why wouldn't you waste the afterlife?"

But I had a really hard time in that transitional summer/spring. One day, I broke down while at my chiropractor/acunpuncturere/massuse, with needles in my back and no way to move. And the therapist said she'd be back in 15 minutes and that was about 3 minutes ago.

No one ever told me what to do, so i just kinda sobbed and let snot drip down my nose uncomfortably where it kinda pooled on a stool that somehow was half positioned beneath me.

Luckily, I made it through that. I think the distraction of moving made a big difference. And in a weird way, having the rejection of The Crush helped, as well.

Two summers previous, I'd gone to the coast on my 30th birthday and swum out as far as was safe, and then thrown white roses into the ocean for my birthmother. The thought being that any wave that touches my shore would touch her shore as well.